I am anxious.
It starts in the right hand lower corner of my heart. Not palpitations — no — tightness. But not in my whole chest. Just there. And it rises up the right side but not the left — and the right side of my heart feels like …
it feels sore.
But on the left side — my heart is beating normally. Seemingly free of conflict. It knows I have to say the word. It knows the reasons why I have to say the word. It knows that it’s correct to say that word.
The left side of my heart knows that I cannot say yes. Even though my social and friend-goal motivations want me to say yes.
I have to say no.
I have to say no because saying no to one thing means saying “yes” to following through with my true goals, the ones that will last. That “yes” is un-moveable right now.
So I say no.
I don’t feel any better about it.
I say it anyway.
This is a big picture no. An important no.
One for the book.