Sometimes I get all caught up in the past, thinking of things I didn’t do, didn’t say, didn’t try — did say, did do, did try.
I remember being 18-19-20 and looking back and promising myself that thus far I had no regrets. Oh wasn’t I so high and mighty… I had done nothing serious that I could be sad about. I was either dumb or blind.
I could (if we were going to get real personal on here) list several things over my 23 years that I wish hadn’t occurred. Some things so small as not standing up for a friend, some things so big that I completely lost really important relationships in the process. I catch myself thinking how incredibly dumb and dense I must really be, how sorry I am, how much I’d change it all if I could. And I’m only 23.
Now hear me straight… I don’t live in these thought continually. I have an incredible life with amazing people all around me. I can be filled with grace knowing the mercy of my Jesus and the huge portion of my life that is non-regrettable.
That is what I really want to talk about. I know enough people in my life to know that we all have massive boulders of regret that just landslide onto us when we are standing, unsuspecting, in our comfy places. Being human and born into sin, we are wont to stumble over our own immediate wants, vindicate our own selfish feelings, or even live fully outside of the will of God, validating ourselves that it is right because we feel good and good in our own likes.
We are blessed, therefore, when a loving God pulls us from our own ways to help us find a path full of His joy and loving kindness. However, when we are pulled into His light, our failures are uncovered and our shame in itself would be so much to bear that who could get out of bed in the morning?
I have a short lifetime full of regretful things, yet I live in joy. Many the night I go to bed and am clouded with faces I have disappointed, I am human and I tend to fail, for that I will be sorry for a full life. But with each night comes the reassurance that I am loved, relentlessly chased after, constantly delighted in by the one who called my soul into being. A merciful father who claimed me and when He did so He put me in a white dress even prettier than my wedding day and told me that no drop from any of my many spills would be able to stick to the gown, it’s been washed in blood and purified.
I used to think I lived a life without regrets because everything I had done was a lesson and so it was worth the mistake. Now I say — though I have a thousand regrets — I live a life apart from them, they are not mine to hold I have given them to my Father because he requested to take the burden. His yolk is easy and his burden is light.