goodness knows

I am a southern girl, born and raised in the heart of Alabama. When I was a child, blackberries grew in the woods across from my home and I ran barefoot on red dirt roads and bliss was not getting caught in the brambles — or being able to capture the most tadpoles. If I was bad, I was spanked with wooden spoons, which stopped me from being bad pretty early in life. I am from a big family and we are blessed. With this upbringing, I am fortunate enough to have been raised in a church that spoke the truth even if I squirmed and I was very young when I came into my faith in the God who has never ever ever let me down. I am blessed.
When I was a tweenie my mom (the amazing teacher that she is) read me the proverbs every single morning, so much so that I have many of them accidentally written on my heart. Because of the proverbs and the story of King Solomon, I remember praying for wisdom for the first time around the age of 13. I remember distinctly someone telling me that King Solomon had been given the greatest gift when he prayed for wisdom and it was granted him. I have prayed for general wisdom for almost 10 years now. Every single time I pray for it, I hear a little girl in the back of my mind say “this prayer is not for you.” You see, I believed that God would never give a gift like wisdom to a girl who will never be more than this, I am no king telling women to split a child in two, nor am I one whose life will be documented in the book that speaks life. I am no candidate for wisdom. I am far too ordinary for wisdom like that. Until today I have laughed a little at myself every time I say that prayer — it’s like being 8 and asking for a pony for Christmas — we all know its not coming, but still we ask, just in case it could. I am far too little to be wise. I have always asked anyway. Today I stopped laughing.
Please hear me correctly, I do not think that I am wise by any stretch, I am a fairly simple being I think, in the end. And I have no idea what story I am meant to tell. But I do know that God never thought of me as ordinary or too small. I don’t have the life knowledge to be wise for everyone — and if I did, I’m not entirely sure I have the guts to be able to use that wisdom to uplift and help others.But I do know that my prayer isn’t a funny one. To pray for wisdom in a life that is a tumult of staggering “what-if’s” is a humble prayer, but if answered, could be vastly helpful at least to this one short little girl.
Maybe one day I could get around to being wise, I think that it takes time though — something I lack not at all. And I know that wisdom mostly comes the hard way, and I’m willing to learn. I don’t think God takes my prayer lightly — I don’t think he did when I was young either. I think that we all have attributes we’d love to have pinned to our names and the ability to use them throughout our lives, and I think God gives us those desires to be of our hearts, and eventually they say that God wants to give you the desires of your true heart — not the pony or a zillion dollars, but the real things that will count towards eternity.

Today a very old friend told me to start writing again, I needed your words badly, thank you.

love and joy
sparrow.

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1 Comment

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One response to “goodness knows

  1. trustbelievefaithhopelove

    You are wiser than you know sparrow, you are always an old soul, just sometimes filled with young hopes.

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