dreams I have forgotten to dream

I love water. I couldn’t get any happier than I am when I am on a ship in the middle of the ocean. I love being surrounded by nothing when the sky is dark and all there is around you is vast and empty space stars lighting up the night time and the moonlight making the water melt into itself. I love the way the silence is, if you’re out late at night — alone on a ship. if you go to the bow and just watch the darkness move, and maybe just the slightest echo of music from some room still open behind you. Even if I weren’t a believer, I would pray there, I think everyone must. Because you realize how vast the nothingness around you is, and how easily you could mean nothing to it.

One of the dreams I’ve dreamed since I was younger was a trip across the water from New York to England on a ship. It takes about two weeks and I would be in heaven. I wouldn’t even need to stay in england, I could just fly straight home after that. If I were ever going to go somewhere on my own, that would be the first place. I would write and listen to the water and read so many books and just be and be and be. I would love for the Lance Corporal to come with me, but I don’t think he sees cruise ships the same way I do — as he is about to spend seven months on an aircraft carrier for work, which just makes the whole experience so much less relaxing and comforting and wonderful. Maybe I’ll convince him to go with me when we’re older and beyond the now where ships are work.

Here is something funny though. — I could never be happier than when I’m surrounded by water. But the only way I’m afraid of dying is by drowning.
There has got to be a metaphor in there somewhere. You think about it and get back to me.

sparrow.

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