If you ran today

You can eat a lot of healthy food

If you did abs too.

you can add chocolate.

This is my reasoning and I am sticking to it.

— The scenic route

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about taking the long ways around. Since my journey with my sweet husband started, my life has been a series of count downs, breath holdings, and rushing throughs. When I hang up the phone with my husband when he’s gone, I always say “I can’t wait to see you” 30 minutes, or 30 days, I am counting them down religiously, painstakingly marking off each tally with a sigh of relief — wiping off a drip of sweat. I pray for the days to speed by, I pray for the nights to slow down. I pray that we never get to September — when I’m talking to and thinking of the Lance Corporal.
When I hang up the phone with my dad and mom, I always say “I can’t wait to see you” 30 days or 3 months, I’m counting down the moments. Sorry that I’m missing big events, my nephew’s and sister’s birthdays, easter around the table. I am wistfully hoping for the time when I can hold them each again, be with them again. I wish for the months to pass quickly, I wish for the time to stand still — when I am talking to and thinking of my family back in Alabama.

But it isn’t fair and it isn’t right, to long for each moment to go by — without meaning, without even trying to make it matter — just begging the time to pass or to stop, because he’s here tonight, because I’ll be with them then. Besides being wrong, and absolutely wasteful of my time — and no more enriching to theirs — it is infuriatingly exhausting. I wear out my eyes reading calendars, marking dates, counting days. I can’t put on the breaks… not even a little. and I can’t hit the accelerator not even if I had a two ton brick would time go any faster.

Lately, I’ve started running (I think I might be the last person in my family to do so… which is typical #Suspenderclub) and since I have this new “passion” (haha) I’ve been trying to get as much knowledge as I can from the people who know what they are doing. I read an article by a woman who is over 70 years old and still running, her tips? Don’t take short cuts. She says if you take short cuts, even if you’re only cutting out a little bit of a corner, you are cheating yourself. You don’t get the extra practice, and you don’t get the extra strength… and as a racer, when it’s all said and done, you’ll have wished you had those measly five extra minutes you once saved worth of training.. because they are five extra minutes you’ll never get back of strengthening you’ll never have. She said other racers have always made fun of her for it. All it did for me was make me groan. Because I am a girl who takes short cuts. Especially when running, but now more than ever before — in my life. I cut corners and miss out on the lovely view, wishing and wanting for moments that are to come and that are passed I forget myself, that I am here — now. Real and present. I forget to be in wonder of this incredible Dr. Suess world I live in here. I forget that I am living in the good times right this very second. Even when I’m alone at home and I wont see the LC for days… even now I am in the good times. Even when I can’t make it to the table for easter, or birthdays, or Thursday night family dinners… I’m here, in the good times.

Mainly I need to remember that just because I can love the life I live here — doesn’t mean that I love my family any less than I would be if I were miserable missing them 100% of the time. There is a day coming — not far away at all — where my husband will be leaving me again for months. But I don’t have to dread that time either, or wish it wouldn’t come. I will miss him when he’s gone just like I do tonight, but that doesn’t mean that the time that he’s gone won’t bring some sort of added goodness into my life as I wait for him.

I’m going to try and stop taking short cuts. I know the good times are coming, I know the good times have been… but I’m going to try to see the good times right here where I am.

 

Besides, in California they have dark chocolate covered honeycomb — which you can buy in bulk. God said he would send milk and honey — and being an almond milk lover, I think he meant chocolate covered honeycomb in these — the good times.

Sparrow.

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1 Comment

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One response to “If you ran today

  1. I love, love, love this post! It was good for me to read for where I am in my life now, too! I can’t wait until you are back in Alabama for a while-oh the fun we will have! 🙂 Make sure you bring some of that chocolate covered honeycomb for me-sounds AH-mazing! Love you!

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